Friday, February 17, 2006

Day One


I pulled the cord as tight as I could.
Then I cut it with a knife.
Release.
Free falling.
Relief.
Not having you in my life will be hard.
Letting go.
Closing the door.
Yes I am crying.
What did you expect?
Joy?
Laughter?
A party?
Probably.
Cause you think I am sitting on my throne.
Full of glee, cause I said those words. Off with his head. Strike three, your out.
You are wrong.
There is no happiness here.
I only feel numb, dumb struck, stunned.
Wondering where I went wrong.
Did I show you by example?
Did I teach you the survive skills that you need to cope with lives pressures?
I said the same things over and over, in a thousand different ways.
Listening and hearing are two different things.

I can't wave my magic wand and make it all go away.
I won't live my life in coulda, shouldas.
Hindsight is always clearer than foresight.
I honestly tried.
Now I need to focus on the persons and things in front of me.
And learn from my mistakes.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
~Reinhold Niebuhr
The hardest part in all of this? The. Complete. Lack. Of. Control. I hate it. I can't "fix it", this time I am stuck watching from the bleachers.
Don't you understand?
You have all the control.
After all,, it is YOUR life, not mine.
You make all the choices and decisions.
That being said, its all your responsibility.
All of it.
High? Drunk? That does not absolve you from being held responsible for your actions.
Enough said.
I decided to get rid of the other b***g, so I am starting over. I guess this is my first post.
Welcome to my life.



N Posted by Rain at 2/17/2006 08:41:00 PM

2 Comments

  • Blogger MG posted at 3:34 AM  
    Today, this made me cry. I didn't know it was possible to cry anymore.

    I am so grateful that someone understands. Thank you for blogging, thank you for leaving your comment on my blog enabling me to find yours...thank you for being the person I really needed tonight :)

    MG
  • Blogger Damiel posted at 3:46 AM  
    Enchanté et ravi de te connaître Rain !!

    Have a wicked week-end ;@)
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