My personal happiness does not depend on you or you.
You are not responsible for my happiness or any one else's.
You have no control over my actions, thoughts or desires.
They are all mine exclusively.
I am sorry that I don't have your script in my hands.
I don't have the same feelings that you feel.
I don't see things the same way you do.
We are not one in the same.
I admit the mistakes that I have made.
I've taken full responsibility.
I've paid my dues.
You believe that I think I am better than You and You.
That is just not the case, I am no better than anyone.
I've picked up the shattered pieces of my life and moved on.
I've learned my lessons well.
I can look in my mirror and live with myself.
Can either of you say the same?
You believe that I have forgotten my roots,
my "place" and where I come from.
I carry those and so many others as a badge of honor
that lift my spirits higher and higher.
I will not allow You or You to continue to pull me down.
Make me feel bad about myself.
Listen to your whispers that feed my insecurities.
Or hate myself.
I will continue to feed my desires, hopes and dreams without
the either of you.
N Posted by Rain at 4/05/2006 09:37:00 PM
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
What, I can't miss three days of school?
While having coffee with my Dad this morning I found out that he has given Punky a lot of money in the last week. He told me that he is really disappointed in his grandson and that he is having problems keeping his faith in him. I never thought I would hear those words coming out of my dads mouth let alone seeing the anguish it has caused him. I expressed my empathy at the situation to my dad and waited for his optimism to come bubbling up to the surface. Nothing. I fear that Punky finally pulled "the straw that broke the camels back." It's really hard to see a seventy four year old man with a broken heart.
When I got home there was a message on my answering machine from Punkys boss, S. She called and explained that since she had no way of getting a hold of him ( because he lost his phone) that she wanted him to come in on Wednesday to pick up his final paycheck and that she needs the keys to the store back. Shittypoopiefarty! He has lost his job, what a dumbass!
Rainman is really upset right now and hates both his father and I. Rainmans girlfriend A., is leaving in the morning to go to Disneyland for three days, with her grandmother C and A's brother B. C came over two days ago and invited Rainman to go with them. There is no way that I could allow him to go, he has school. Boy did that boy get upset! While trying to get us to have a change of heart, Punky came up with some very valid points as to why he should be able to go. "I have good grades!" It's true he has a 3.8 average in Special Ed. I am very proud of Punky, he has overcome many obstacles. School is the number one priority, he can't miss three days of school. "You have met A's grandmother and her Dad P, you know them both!" That is also true. I have spoken to C twice once on the phone and another time for two minutes when she picked up A from my house. A's dad also picked her up once from my home. That makes them strangers in my book, sorry kiddo! "You guys are not allowing me to have my independence!" Nothing could be further from the truth. He needs to stay focused so when he gets out of school he will have the skills to be independent. All in good time my sweet, all in good time :)
Its really raining hard now and am glad I fertilized my roses this afternoon. Life is good...Except when your a teenager and suffering from parental suffocation.
N Posted by Rain at 4/04/2006 10:31:00 PM
Monday, April 03, 2006
Padres 6 San Franscio Giants 1
I love Baseball.
I am glad it did not rain on the Padres parade!
Mike Piazza hits a home run on his first at bat. Yay!
Its going to be a very long season for Barry Bonds. Oh boohoo.
N Posted by Rain at 4/03/2006 10:39:00 PM