Monday, February 16, 2009

Random Thoughts

Trois Nus
Jean Louis Forain
Oil on canvas

Hello :)

It’s been a long time.
In the last year my life has turned upside down with twists and turns with never a dull moment.
I want you to know that I am under doctors care, I am tested regularly and my health has improved.
I have made changes in my eating habits and I am trying to exercise more.
My medications have changed and been drastically reduced to lower levels and as a result I have lost weight.
Although I have not lost one ounce from my derriere.
I know this because I just checked in the mirror.
It is a curse I tell you!

My sex drive is still in high gear and has increased with the reduction or elimination of certain medications.
My love life is…you see, I am dating three men and all of them know about the other.
Yes, you read that right.
There is this one man and his name is Pirate.
I met him at my cousins house when I was nine years old.
We both surfed, rode skateboards and were straight A students.
By the time we graduated high school, he had two children in two different ports.
When I was twenty two, I made the mistake of getting married to my now ex.
At that time Pirate was livin’ a pirates life to the fullest.
I have had the most romantic, sensual and erotic sexual experiences of my life with Pirate.
Yo, ho, Yo, ho, A Pirates Life for Me.

Then there is this other man and his name is D.T.
We met at a July 4th picnic almost three years ago.
D.T is very successful, quick witted and every time I look into his eyes, my knees melt right out from under me.
We have many things in common, the love of the arts, music and we belong to the same church.
We both volunteer and support I Love a Clean San Diego.
Did I mention that he owns his own jet?
Mile. High. Baby!

Finally another man named LJ.
I met him at a dinner party on Christmas Eve two years ago.
LJ is a rugged, hard working man that loves horses.
He comes from a huge family, is sincere, brutally honest and is not afraid to take a risk.
We share many of the same passions, such as cooking, dancing and a very vivid imagination behind closed doors.
Just thinking about it makes my toes curl. Hmmm…
Now my father is 77 years old and he thinks my dating these men makes me a hussy because I don’t want to get married. ;0)
I’ve been there, done that and I am not ready to try it again.
I like being single and I have reminded my father that I reserve the right to change my mind at any time in the future.
And that gives my dad hope and he says that is all he clinging too.


Coming to terms with the fact that my son Rusty may never get out of jail has proven to be the hardest path I have ever walked.
The fact that Rusty has two strikes against him under California law makes it so much easier for Rusty get his third strike on the inside.
Rusty is in the hole and has been for three months for getting into a fight.
Fighting that leads to injury in prison is a felony in State of California.
The DA’s office is still trying to decide if they will prosecute him on a felony or drop it completely.
This means his security level will climb to a level 3 or 4 and they will transfer him accordingly.
I just hope that they don’t transfer him to Pelican Bay or Corcoran.
I feel as though I am the one that has been sentenced and hung out to dry.
Fuckityfuck, that is the life of being a prison mama.

There have been a lot of changes in my house hold in the last three months.
For the first time I spent Christmas Day completely free of children and teenagers.
My youngest son Rainman spent Christmas with his girlfriends family more than two hundred miles away.
The twins Joe and Justin stayed with their sister up in Northern California.
I thought I would get depressed waking up on Christmas morning with no one here except my two dogs Rascal and Pepper.
That was not the case, I actually enjoyed the time alone before heading out to spend the evening with friends.

In January I was given notice that Joe and Justin had finally saved enough money to move out and get an apartment together.
I have had the both of them in my care since they were eleven years old and it makes a momma proud even though I am not their “real mom”.
I am also looking forward to my monthly grocery bills being cut in half.
And my water, gas and electric bills…
Just the thought of walking into my laundry room and being able to see the floor is a wonderful thing.
Speaking of Rainman, he is starting Junior College in the Spring.
He has taken all of the entrance exams and they have set up a schedule complete with tutors to help him.
When he was a child the so called experts told me he would never read or write over a third grade level.
I told them they were wrong and before I die he would read at a eighth grade level or higher.
When I think of all the obstacles that Rainman has faced and the reluctance of the school board to provide him the materials and programs that he would need to achieve that goal…I now know it was the hardest fight we have ever fought as a family.
That dream is becoming a reality and I cry tears of joy just thinking about it.
Now if I can just get Rainman to understand that the floor is not the biggest shelf in the house I can die a happy woman.

Our hearts and prayers go out to the Dubois family, may they find their daughter Amber safe and unharmed.

Have a great day everyone!


N Posted by Rain at 2/16/2009 11:46:00 AM


  • Anonymous Candy posted at 12:10 PM  
    I was neurotic for years. I was anxious and depressed and selfish. Everyone kept telling me to change. I resented them and I agreed with them, and I wanted to change, but simply couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. Then one day someone said to me, "Don't change. I love you just as you are." Those words were music to my ears: "Don't change, Don't change. Don't change . . . I love you as you are." I relaxed. I came alive. And suddenly I changed!
    ~Anthony de Mello

    It is so good to see you posting again! And I love the new pictures!

    It just breaks my heart that there may be yet another child to be found dead in the rual part of San Diego County. I will keep them in my prayers.
  • Anonymous Danny posted at 11:09 AM  
    Good to see you posting once more!

    I don't believe that the "officals" will send Rusty to either of those two prisons, because his security level is not high enough. My best guess would be Chuckawalla or Calipatria.

    Hold on to your faith and remember we love you.

  • Anonymous Anonymous posted at 2:49 PM  
    Don't worry about Rusty too much, you know he is just doing what he has to in order to survive in prison.

    It was great seeing you and Pirate last night! I've always thought that you two should be married and having beautiful babies together, lol!

    Gawd I am such a hopless romantic...

    smooches, Debbie
  • Blogger TECH posted at 9:35 AM  
    So glad to see an update! Thank you for sharing your life again with us. :)
  • Blogger Walker posted at 1:14 PM  
    You have had quite the year.
    From one extreme to the next.
    First i hope you health becomes good again.

    How you live is your choice as it is your son's choice when he is in jail.
    I hope he doesn't have to spend the rest of his life in a hell hole like prison and its not easy to stay out of trouble but he can try as you have tried to deal with it all.

    You must be obe hell of a woman to deal with all of this and still see past it all into the future.
    I hope the future has you in more pleasant adventures.
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