Rainy Day Wonderings

Saturday, March 04, 2006

A Hunk of a Man

His eyes.

His lips.

Those incredible kiss able lips.

Paolo Maldini makes my toes curl.

Wow!

N Posted by Rain at 3/04/2006 02:40:00 PM

Supporting the confusion?

Its a beautiful day today, the sun is shining, birds are singing and Punky keeps calling me. I am not answering the house phone or my cell and they both are ringing off the hook. I am avoiding my son. There I said it. I just don't want to deal with him today.
Now before all of my family members jump to conclusions, I am not turning my back on "my baby". He is not a baby anymore. He is an adult that needs to learn to stand up on his own two feet. With that being said, I am choosing when and where I deal with Punky. This is causing many of you to think I am being "wishy washy" and causing him more confusion (actually another excuse to get high or drunk). This is not the case, I am taking control of my health and sanity. I would like to think that you will understand and support me on this. I can't control Punky or his actions. The only control I have is within me, my actions, my health and well being. I suggest that you all do the same.

N Posted by Rain at 3/04/2006 01:21:00 PM

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

On being thankful

Today I am thankful for....

Finding my voice and saying "No."
Having the courage to mean it.
Telling the whole truth, as I understood it to be.
Finding the strength not to give in, yet again.
Finally finding someone who understands just how hard and difficult this path has become.
Finding support and understanding from a complete stranger.
Spending time with my very own "Auntie Dixie Doo" and telling her again how much she truly means to me.
Having my son Rainman, give me hugs and kisses.
Realizing that I have more power inside me than I ever thought was imaginable.
Understanding that forgiving some one or something is not the same as forgetting it.

N Posted by Rain at 3/01/2006 10:28:00 PM

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Breaking the cycle..

Today I witnessed the break of a very bad cycle, that of child abandonment.
The end of generational sperm donors, as I like to call it.
That heavy door was finally closed and locked by an "unlikely source."
Never given any encouragement or words of hope, like crabs in a pail there is always one that will pull you back and hold you down.
Surrounded by dark forces and the cold hard streets you persevered.
Given a chance out of the clear blue sky, you held on tight.
Determined to rise above, you tested the water and learned through shear determination to float.
Its never been easy. Nothing has ever been given to you.
You were never given a choice or a voice.
Betrayed by those you most trusted with whispered lies and deceit.
Words of hate, lust and conceit along with a underhanded scheme.
You lost what was rightfully yours.
Questions were asked.
Tales were told that were full of holes.
Answers analyzed and scrutinized.
Different scenarios played out in his head over and over again.
Thirteen years have passed and now the truth has finally come out.
Mourning the loss of milestones has not been easy.
Releasing the anger and resentment has not been easy either.
Unwilling to allow it to consume your soul.
Today you stood tall and proud and embraced responsibility.
You were given your voice back, and became the man you always wanted to be.
You call it being a Dad.
I call it being a hero.

N Posted by Rain at 2/28/2006 09:25:00 PM