In the mail today my son Punky got 43 different salutations from DUI Defense Lawyers from all over the city. Unfortunately, when I called him to tell him I would bring them over to him at his work I was told, "Mom, I am not trying to hear that! Just shred them up and recycle them. Anyway, its your fault cause you kicked me out!"
Denial. Such a happy place. No responsibility. Wishing people would mind their own business about my drinking/getting stoned and stop telling me what to do! If I don't think about it, then it will all go away!
"My fault? How the hell is my fault? I did not put a gun to your head and make you get stoned or drunk. You knew that you had to leave in February, we talked about it almost weekly for nine months. You had nine months to make your plans, we made sure that you would have money in your pocket and a car when you left. This is your own doing. You are responsible for your actions. Shredding the mail is not going to make this go away. What was the very last thing I said to you on the phone? Remember? I told you to look both ways before you cross a street and DON'T DRINK and DRIVE! I love you!" I tell this to anyone and everyone that leaves my house. Every. Single. Time. "Less than four hours later you are charged with a DUI!"
Click.
N Posted by Rain at 2/18/2006 11:58:00 PM
N Posted by Rain at 2/17/2006 10:37:00 PM
Day One
N Posted by Rain at 2/17/2006 08:41:00 PM
I pulled the cord as tight as I could.
Then I cut it with a knife.
Release.
Free falling.
Relief.
Not having you in my life will be hard.
Letting go.
Closing the door.
Yes I am crying.
What did you expect?
Joy?
Laughter?
A party?
Probably.
Cause you think I am sitting on my throne.
Full of glee, cause I said those words. Off with his head. Strike three, your out.
You are wrong.
There is no happiness here.
I only feel numb, dumb struck, stunned.
Wondering where I went wrong.
Did I show you by example?
Did I teach you the survive skills that you need to cope with lives pressures?
I said the same things over and over, in a thousand different ways.
Listening and hearing are two different things.
I can't wave my magic wand and make it all go away.
I won't live my life in coulda, shouldas.
Hindsight is always clearer than foresight.
I honestly tried.
Now I need to focus on the persons and things in front of me.
And learn from my mistakes.