Rainman called me yesterday after school to let me know that he was going over to a friend, JW house with another friend F. I told him that would be okay and that I wanted him to call me when he got to JW's house.
Around twenty minutes later I get a call from Rainman and he is crying and asking if I can come over to JW's house right now. Keeping Rainman on the phone, I flew out of the house, into my truck and ran a stop sign to get there. Shut up, you would do the same thing! Rainman was crying and could not answer the any of my questions except to say that he and F were safe in the house.
When I pulled up in front of my house I noticed that there were many people standing around outside, so I pulled over and double parked. As I run up to the front door this man looks at me and says "It's so horrible, isn't it?" Not saying anything I continue in the front door to try and find my son.
JW was fifteen years old. He put a gun to his head and killed himself just two days before in his bedroom. He left a suicide note, which I was allowed to read. Without going into details it was the saddest thing I have ever read. He was trying to escape from certain situations that seemed impossible to deal with, he just could not cope with his feelings, and he felt that he had no one person that he trusted to turn to. His funeral has yet to be arranged.
Needless to say I had a very long discussion with Rainman. He asked many questions and kept going over the last time Rainman had seen JW last week. I asked him if he expressed any warning signs that he was going to kill himself. He said he did not think so or he could not remember any. We talked about depression and drug use. I explained to him that often times adults as well as teenagers might be trying to escape feelings of hurt, or loss. Feelings such as anger, being ashamed or guilt, feeling unloved or unwanted, being victimized, or just feeling like a burden to others can lead to suicide.
You may be wondering what the warning signs are. Here are just some of the possible signs that someone may be thinking about or planning a suicide attempt:
- Talking about suicide or death in general.
- Talking about "going away".
- Referring to things they "won't be needing," and giving away possessions
- Talking about feeling hopeless or feeling guilty.
- Pulling away from friends or family and losing the desire to go out
- Having no desire to take part in favorite things or activities.
- Having trouble concentrating or thinking clearly
- Experiencing changes in eating or sleeping habits.
- Engaging in self-destructive behavior (drinking alcohol, taking drugs or cutting)
I can't imagine the grief that JW's family will be dealing with in the years ahead. Questions that were left unanswered in his note will always be in the forefront of their minds. The coulda~shoulda~ woulda thoughts that have kept JW's family sleepless. My heart goes out to JW's family and I am so sorry for their loss.
I will pray, meditate, light a candle, read and cook because that is how I deal things.
Tonight lets all keep in mind that we need to listen to our own inner voices, with out delay. We need to listen more to our friends and family, be not so quick to dismiss their views and get them the help they need.
If you or anyone that you know has any of the above signs please call 1-800-SUICIDE. They are there to help.
Or visit here to get the help you need.
This has been edited for the privacy of the family.
N Posted by Rain at 4/07/2006 01:58:00 PM
Debra posted at 2:11 PM
Oh, I am so sorry this happened to your son's friend and for all you must be feeling right now. I can't even imagine how horrible this must be... Prayers said for everyone involved with this tragedy.... Debra
Rain posted at 10:32 PM
Thank You. I will pass it on to the family. BTW great post today!