• Isolation, fear of people, and fear of authority figures.
• Difficulty with identity issues related to seeking constantly the approval of others.
• Frightened by angry people and personal criticism.
• Have become an alcoholic yourself, married one, or both. A variation would be the attraction to another compulsive personality such as a workaholic. The similarity is that neither is emotionally available to deal with overwhelming and unhealthy dependency needs. I married a workaholic and that is just one of the reasons for me being single.
• Perpetually being the victim and seeing the world from the perspective of a victim.
• An overdeveloped sense of responsibility. Concerned about the needs of others to the degree of neglecting your own wants and needs. This is a protective behavior for avoiding a good look at yourself and taking responsibility to identify and resolve your own personal difficulties. This is me in a nutshell and I have had many relapses over the years.
• Feelings of guilt associated with standing up for your rights. It is easier to give into the demands of others. This was a problem for me into my early twenties especially when it came to my own parents. Now as a adult, I have absolutely no problem saying "no" to anyone about anything.
• An addiction to excitement. Feeling a need to be on the edge, and risk-taking behaviors. This is also a characteristic of being a Bipolar. I have to deal with this one on a daily basis. I love taking risks and it has cost me relationships as well as money.
• A tendency to confuse feelings of love and pity. Attracted to people that you can rescue and take care of.
• Avoidance of feelings related to traumatic childhood experiences. Unable to feel or express feelings because it is frightening and/or painful and overwhelming. Denial of feelings. I hated talking about my childhood and a couple of times while in therapy I thought I was going to fall off the edge completely. Denial was so easy...Now I know better and I am healthier for it.
• Low self-esteem. A tendency to judge yourself harshly and be perfectionist and self-critical. I am really good at kicking myself in the ass, no one does it better!
• Strong dependency needs and terrified of abandonment. Will do almost anything to hold onto a relationship in order to avoid the fear and pain of abandonment.
• Alcoholism is a family disease which often results in a family member taking on the characteristics of the disease even if they are not alcoholics (para-alcoholics). Please see below.
• Dysfunctional relationships, denial, fearful, avoidance of feelings, poor coping, poor problem solving, afraid that others will find out what you are really like, etc.
• Tendency to react to things that happen versus taking control and not being victim to the behavior of others or situations created by others.
• A chameleon. A tendency to be what others want you to be instead of being yourself. A lack of honesty with yourself and others.
  
  
  Characteristics of Codependency

• My good feelings about which I am stem from being liked by you and receiving approval from you.
• Your struggles affect my serenity. I focus my mental attention on solving your problems or relieving your pain.
• I focus my mental attention on pleasing you, protecting you, or manipulating you to "do it my way."
• I bolster my self-esteem by solving your problems and relieving your pain.
• I put aside my own hobbies and interests. I spend my time sharing your interests and hobbies.
• My desires dictate your behavior.
• I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
• I am not aware of what I want. I ask you what you want.
• If I am not aware of something, I assume (I don't ask or verify in some other way).
• My fear of your anger and rejection determines what I say or do.
• In our relationship I use giving as a way of feeling safe.
• As I involve myself with you, my social circle diminishes.
• To connect with you, I put my values aside.
• I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
• The quality of my life depends on the quality of yours.
• I am always trying to fix or take care of others while neglecting myself.
• I sometimes feel sorry for myself, feeling no one understands. I think about getting help, but rarely commit or follow through.

Dear Readers,

I have received many wonderful emails concerning my posts on “Children of Alcoholics Week” and I thank you for sharing your stories with me. Many of you brought me to tears with your openness and honesty. I truly appreciate your coming forward, I know how difficult it was for you to do so and I will respect your privacy. I would like to take a moment and answer a couple of questions that have been asked by you.

First, I am not in any way anti alcohol nor I do not force my beliefs on anyone, many of my friends drink on a daily basis. I go to bars, clubs, and concerts and attend parties where alcohol is served. I never feel left out of “the crowd”; I am usually the first one on the dance floor! I have even had sex with a partner that has had alcohol in their system! ;0)

Second, I am not in any way against the Alcohol Industry. It is my belief that the companies that produce alcohol have made great strides in responsible advertising in the last few years and there will always be room for improvement. I believe there is no excuse for drinking and driving. Can’t get a hold of anyone to pick you up from the bar? Take a cab, a bus or walk home! Get a room somewhere! Ask a bartender to take you home or pass out on the cot in the back of the bar. Like I said, there is no excuse for drinking and driving.

I hope I have answered your questions, and again thank you for your support! Have a great day everyone!

Labels: drug addictions

N Posted by Rain at 2/15/2007 01:35:00 AM

9 comments from:  jules,  Anonymous,  Anonymous,  Anonymous,  Politically Homeless,  TFLS,  Sally,  anonymous,  Anonymous,

Friday, October 20, 2006

God Bless Mothers Who Drugged Us

God bless mothers who drugged us!

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a Methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?'' I replied, I had a drug problem when I was young:

I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
I was drug to family reunions and community socials, no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word.
I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields.
I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.
~author unknown~

I was sent this in a email from my Auntie Dixie Doo and I thought it good enough to share with all of you. Enjoy!
Have a safe weekend everyone.

Labels: drug addictions, emails

N Posted by Rain at 10/20/2006 07:24:00 AM

2 comments from:  Geoffe,  Anonymous,