Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Because I Am A Fixer

This weekend I had some minor repairs done in and around my home.
In my kitchen there is a huge cabinet with sliding drawers and one of those drawers would not stay on track and would end up resting on top of the lower drawer.
There were so many plastic containers stuffed into the drawer.
As time went on, my family would force the drawer closed without dealing with everything inside the drawer.
No longer able to slide in and out, it sat a top the lower drawer.
In order to get the repair done, I had to take everything out of the last three drawers and decide what would stay or what could be recycled.

The rest will be given to charity.

In a moment of clarity I realized that this is the very thing I need to do with my life.
I need to sort out issues in my life and decide “the who, the what and where” and decide if it is worth carrying them on my life’s path.
It is not going to be easy.
For years I have been carrying a sack that has become so heavy if I don’t do something about it, it is going to kill me.
Dead.
I am a diabetic, I have really bad knees and other assorted minor aliments.
I need to start taking better care of myself.
I will be starting a water aerobics class on Monday.
I am so looking forward to it.
Yes, it is all about me!


Being an only child of alcoholic parents, I feel the desperate urge to ‘fix’ any and all problems.
My life can not be defined by other peoples needs and wants.
I need to let go of them and keep my faith that they will work out for the best in the end.
That does not mean that I won’t help those who are in need.
I will.
Need a shoulder to cry on or want someone that will truly listen?
Hungry?
I am right here.
It just means that I will do what I can and continue on my way.


I also realize that this will not happen overnight.
It is going to be labor intensive.
There will be good days and bad ones too.
Heck I might even fail. This should make some interesting posts in the future. ;0)


Do you have any thoughts or advice? Please share...





N Posted by Rain at 4/25/2006 10:18:00 AM

2 Comments

  • Blogger MG posted at 12:02 AM  
    Oh darling girl,

    I identified so acutely with this post, I too am a fixer. My therapist and I have concluded that it is half my problem with my life...apparently fixers take on the world's problems, often at detriment to themselves.

    Do you find you put people's needs before yours more often than not?

    Sometimes it is so difficult to put yourself first, realistically you are breaking the habit of a lifetime. I am doing exactly what you are doing now and maybe you feel the same, but I am feeling a lot of guilt - like I am letting people down by not being there for them in every single conceivable aspect.

    To make the conscious decision to stop taking the weight of the world on your shoulders is empowering but damn hard to both implement then sustain - you know what though? It does actually get easier!! And you will see the positive results in yourself.

    I am coping with life a lot better now, I read a good article that said a good approach to life is to sort your 'problems/stresses' into two piles - ones you can deal with and ones you can't do anything about - and you deal with what you can change - that way you will get positive results and it will motivate you to keep going in this good direction.
  • Blogger Rain posted at 1:31 AM  
    MG...Thanks for stopping by!
    It is nice to know that I am not alone.
    I am for anything that will help me stay positive...I am going to start making my piles tonight! ~Rain
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